Blogs by Arj Barker
Fri 11:54
Aug 10th, '07
Aug 24 Launceston, Princess Theatre PH: 03 - 6323 3666 www.theatrenorth.com.au
Aug 25 Hobart, Theatre Royal PH: 03 - 6233 2299 www.theatreroyal.com.au
Aug 26 Burnie, Civic Theatre PH: 03 - 6430 5850
Sept 7 Gold Coast Arts Centre PH: 07 5581 6500 www.gcac.com.au
Sept 8 Nambour Civic Centre PH: 07 5475 7755 www.mve.org.au
Sept 10 Gladstone Entertainment Centre PH: 07 4972 2822 www.gladstone.qld.gov.au/gec/
Sept 12 Mackay Entertainment Centre PH: 07 4957 1700 www.mackayentertainment.com.au
Sept 13 Rockhampton, Pilbeam Theatre - PH: 07 4927 4111 www.venueandevents.com.au
Sept 14 Townsville, Riverway Arts Centre - PH: 07 4773 8889 www.riverway.thuringowa.qld.gov.au
Sept 15 Cairns Civic Theatre PH: 07 4031 9933 www.cairnscivictheatre.com.au
Sept 18 Toowoomba, Empire Theatre PH: 1300 655 299 www.empiretheatre.com.au
Sept 19 Maryborough, Brolga Theatre PH: 07 4122 6000 www.brolgatheatre.org
Sept 20 Bundaberg, Moncrieff Theatre - PH: 07 4153 1985 www.bundaberg.qld.gov.au/moncrieff
Sept 21 Newcastle Civic Theatre PH: 02 4929 1977 www.civictheatrenewcastle.com.au
Sept 22 Geelong P.A.C PH: 03 5225 1200 www.gpac.org.au
Sept 28 - Oct 13 Melbourne Fringe Festival 03 8412 8777 www.melbournefringe.com.au (NO MON SHOWS)
Oct 16 Canberra Theatre PH: 02 6275 2700 www.canberraticketing.com.au
Oct 17 Gosford, Lay Street Theatre - PH: 02 4323 3233 www.laystreet.com
Oct 18 Bathurst Entertainment Centre PH: 02 6333 6161 www.bmec.com.au
Oct 19, 20 Wollongong, IPAC - PH: 02 4226 3366 www.ipac.org.au
Oct 21-26 Adelaide, The Gov 08 8225 8888. www.venuetix.com.au
Oct 27 Mt Gambier, Sir Robert Helpmann Theatre - PH: 08 8723 8741 www.countryarts.org.au/helpmann
Nov 7 Albury P.A.C PH: 02 6051 3051
Nov 8 Wagga Wagga Civic Theatre PH: 02 6926 9688 www.civictheatre.com.au
Nov 9 Echuca Paramount Theatre - PH: 03 5482 3399
Nov 10 Swan Hill Town Hall PH: 03 5032 3033
Nov 13 Wangaratta Town Hall PH: Edgars Newsagency 03 5721 3758
Nov 14 Shepparton Eastbank Centre - PH: 03 5832 9511 www.riverlinksvenues.com.au
Nov 15 Morwell, Kernot Hall - PH: 03 5176 3559 www.latrobe.vic.gov.au
Nov 16 Warragul West Gippland Arts Centre - PH: 03 5624 2456 www.wgac.org.au
Nov 17 Bendigo The Capital - PH: 03 5441 5344 www.thecapital.com.au
Nov 20 Sale Wellington Entertainment Centre PH:03 5143 3200 www.wellington.vic.gov.au/entertainment
Nov 21 Ballarat, Her Majesty's Theatre - PH: 03 5333 5888 www.hermaj.com
Nov 22 Warrnambool, Entertainment Centre PH: 03 5559 4999 www.entertainmentcentre.com.au
Nov 23 Hamilton P.A.C PH: 03 5573 0429 www.sthgrampians.vic.gov.au/pac
Nov 24 Horsham, Wesley P.A.C - PH: Chisholm Hi Fi 03 5382 4343
Nov 27 - Dec 1, Perth His Majesty's Theatre - PH: 08 9484 1133 www.bocsticketing.com.au
Dec 4 - 16 Brisbane Powerhouse PH: 07 3358 8600 www.brisbanepowerhouse.org (No show Mon )
THIS LIST IS MOSTLY CONFIRMED, BUT DATES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE..
NO SYDNEY DATES AS OF NOW AS I DID A 3 WEEK RUN IN FEB, AND I DIDN'T WANT TO WEAR OUT MY WELCOME. HOWEVER, IF I ADD SOME SHOWS THERE, YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW!!! (I HOPE TO AT LEAST DO A COUPLE SHOWS THERE!!)
PLEASE FORWARD THESE DATES TO FRIENDS AROUND OZ IF YOU WOULD BE SO KIND..MANY THANKS!
CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU!!!
PEACE +
Tue 9:52
May 15th, '07
Hey guys! Everybody likes a mage, right? But in day-to-day life, unless you're as rich as Thirston Howell III, you can't alway's feel that kind of relief on demand. Bummer, right?
Wrong. Here's what I do.
Everytime, I get a mage, I play the same exact song, over and over again. Than, when I'm stressed out, I just play that same song on my eye pod nano, and my body experiences psycho-somatic relaxation, almost instantly. My tense muscles are literally Pavlov's-Dogged into submission!
Sometimes people wonder why I listen to 'Green Eyed Lady' so often, but not as often as they ask me why I'm lying butt-naked on my stomach in public, moaning 'Oh yeah! Right there! Yeahhhhhhh....That's it.'
Thanks for coming down to the first annual 'Tip of the Week'! Hope this makes your week a lot better!
Arj
Sun 12:24
May 6th, '07
Why does Dutch food taste like s?
A: Because they cook it in Dutch ovens!
Why am I allowed to make this joke?
A: Because I'm 1/4 Dutch, and 3/4 5-year-old
Hope you're all doing well,
Love,
Arj
PS CHANGE YOUR F$*CKING PWORD ALREADY!!!
Tue 3:46
Feb 6th, '07
For some reason this joke was my first cognitive thought when I woke up this morning...
Why was the shampoo sad?Because the conditioner was leave-in.Well, do you have a better one?
Mon 8:55
Feb 5th, '07
I'm sitting at my Blog Control Center, which makes it sound a lot more important than it really is, but never mind...
It is with sadness in my heart that I officially announce that I will not be attending this year's comedy festivals in Australia. This includes the Adelaide Fringe and Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
The reason is that I have a small, but reoccurring role on a new television program being made for HBO in New York. Not sure what the show is going to be called, but it stars The Flight of the Conchords, a brilliant duo from New Zealand who have of late, taken the global comedy scene by storm. If you haven't heard of them, you should definately check em out, as they are hilarious. They are also great human beings and I'm honored to be part of their project.
Why not visit their profile? Unfortunately the taping of the show coincides exactly with the entire festival season, so there's really no way I can do both. I had waited till the last minute to pull out as I wasn't sure of the shoot schedule, which is why I am listed in the Adelaide Fringe guide as having a show.
Thanks for your understanding, and patience, as I am sure you can understand that this is an excellent oppurtunity for me to gain experience and exposure in my own country. More importantly, my good buddies have asked me to help them make a TV show, and what kind of friend would I be if I declined?
I can ure you with great urity that I am sure that I will return to, and perform in Adelaide as well as Melbourne, at the first chance I get. Not only these areas, but I plan on touring in Queensland and very likely other parts of the country as well. In fact, no matter where you live, it's only a matter of time before I come there and tell you jokes.
I am infinitely grateful for the love and support the Australianish public has shown me over the years, and I intend to humbly remain in your comedic service for many years to come.
Look forward to the good times we'll have.
Enjoy the fests and have a beverage for me,
Love
Arj
Mon 1:07
Jan 22nd, '07
Had to pull out of a few gigs up in Queensland, and I know that some of you are annoyed with me. Please understand that I have no choice as I have small role on a new TV show in the states and I need to get back to begin rehearsals.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE COMEDY FESTIVALS?
It means that I probably won't be at the Australian comedy festivals this year, as much as it pains me to miss them.
BUT WHEN WILL YOU TOUR AUSTRALIA AGAIN?I'm already planning a Super Big Make-Up Tour, probably starting in Sept and lasting at least a couple months. I will go to all the areas I can, and this should include Melb, Adelaide, and if I can help it, all the areas I cancelled on in Feb.
WHAT IF I LIVE IN THE STATES?
Request that your local comedy club books me. I would love to come out there and see a bit of my own country!
WHY CAN'T SCIENCE TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF CONSCIOUSNESS?The problem stems from the fact that we can't study consciousness from any perspective other than our own consciousness. It's like the microscope trying to look at itself. Bloody impossible!
CAN YOU SURVIVE IN THE DESERT BY DRINKING YOUR OWN URINE?
You can for at least a couple days, but after a while the impurties of the pee pee can have a toxic affect and make you very ill. As well, the salinity (saltiness) of the chi chi may actually speed up the dehydration.
Captian James Riley, a sea captian whos crew was shipwrecked in the North of Africa in the 1800's, claims that he and his men survived from drinking their own ca ca for close to 10 days, though modern science states that this is improbable. That doesn't make his account untrue, but simply all the more incredible.
If the subject of pee-drinking interests you, I suggest reading 'Skelotons In The Zahara' by Dean King. It's the story of Captian Riley and his men and it's heaps gripping!
Sun 11:56
Dec 24th, '06
Thanks to everyone who wrote and posted holidays greetings. I really appreciate it, and the same to you and yours...
I enjoy Christmas less and less as the years go by. I used to think it was because I grew more disillusioned with how consumer driven the holidays have become. But while that's irritating, it doesn't explain why I get kinda down around the holidays.
So I did a little research, and it turns out that there's a scientific reason why I get a little down around x-mas as of late. It turns out that the body produces a holiday chemical know as Merritonum. As children, we use up vast amounts of Merritonum each year. Since the body is only able to manufacture a certain amount of 'jolly juice', the holidays start to suck more and more as you get older, until you have kids, and then you can get a contact high off them, if you buy them enough stuff.
I gotta go now, and bring my nephews some Legos.
Peace
Arj
Sat 9:39
Dec 16th, '06
MARIN COUNTY: Throckmorton Theatre, Dec 21
BAY AREA: New Years Eve, Palace of Fine Arts, San Francisco, Dec 31
NEW YORK: The Marijuana-Logues @ Comix, NYC Jan 18-20
SAN FRANCISCO: The Punchline, Janb 23-27
AUSTRALIA: Sydney Opera House, Feb 1-18
Happy Holidays to You and Your Posse
Wed 10:51
Nov 29th, '06
Been up all day too. Me feel a little sleepy.
Was a great tour all around. Enjoyed every single audience save for
two individuals who weren't going with my flow (one in Newcastile and one in Perth) but even they quieted down and did or didn't enjoy the show, and I forgive them (for being dickheads). Many thanks to everyone who came along, and look forward to returning to your city with at least 35% new jokes...
The night before I left, I went on the final Glhouse. I have always enjoyed going on that show and I'm very sorry to see it go. I'm not sure why they cancelled it, but it WASN'T because the cast and crew weren't legendary, I can tell you that! What a pleasure working with you lot! I think I'll be fortunate enough to work with most of you again, though perhaps not all at the same time, and under one roof. Thank you all for always making me feel welcome there, and I know I said it before, but I was very honored to be part of the last episode.
Apologies to the ABC who were kind enough to lend me a tuxedo to wear on the show. I don't know why, but I always my pants a little on TV...
I'm going to floss my teeth now, and then sleep for 47 hours.
Peace,
Arj
Wed 10:58
Nov 15th, '06
With the week at the Playhouse in Perth officially sold-out, we decided to add an extra show on this Sunday night, the 19th of Nov at 730 PM...So if you want to see my final live show of this entire Australian tour...Hook it up!
Also, I am feel very honored that I'm invited on the Glhouse, for what is, as far as I know, the final episode ever. I think that airs at the end of the month. I'm going to wear a tux I think. It should be a fun night and a great show, but maybe a little sad too.
And now a visual poem, called 'FACES'
When I feel sad, I feel like this... :
but then I think about you and I'm all
but then I get sleepy and me go
but then I get up and try to go poo, but I'm constipated so I look like this
but suddenly I have a mive movement, and I say...OOOPS!
time to change my pants.
Thu 6:19
Oct 19th, '06
I have gotten SO many positive comments regardling my appearance on Thank God You're Here, and I just need time to go through and approve them all. (The reason why I screen comments is I like to keep my profile free of blatent advertising, unwarrented profanity, and mean comments (towards me or anyone else). If you write an honest criticism, I will likely post it, such as 'you're crap at poker').
Anyway, for the record, I just want to say that I politely disagree with those of you who say I should have won the prize on Thank God the other night. Kal Wilson was EXCELLENT! She worked it from the word go, got non-stop laughs and did the whole thing in a foreign accent! Not only that, but she coached me on how to do improv before we taped the show, and her advise helped me heaps.
Hat's off to you Kal! You more than deserved it.
But next time, you're going down...
Sincerely
Arj
Wed 15:59
Dec 31st, '69
Sept 12 Mackay Entertainment Centre PH: 07 4957 1700 www.mackayentertainment.com.au
Sept 13 Rockhampton, Pilbeam Theatre - PH: 07 4927 4111 www.venueandevents.com.au
Sept 14 Townsville, Riverway Arts Centre - PH: 07 4773 8889 www.riverway.thuringowa.qld.gov.au
Sept 15 Cairns Civic Theatre PH: 07 4031 9933 www.cairnscivictheatre.com.au
Sept 18 Toowoomba, Empire Theatre PH: 1300 655 299 www.empiretheatre.com.au
Sept 19 Maryborough, Brolga Theatre PH: 07 4122 6000 www.brolgatheatre.org
Sept 20 Bundaberg, Moncrieff Theatre - PH: 07 4153 1985 www.bundaberg.qld.gov.au/moncrieff
Sept 21 Newcastle Civic Theatre PH: 02 4929 1977 www.civictheatrenewcastle.com.au
Sept 22 Geelong P.A.C PH: 03 5225 1200 www.gpac.org.au
Sept 28 - Oct 13 Melbourne Fringe Festival 03 8412 8777 www.melbournefringe.com.au (NO MON SHOWS)
Oct 16 Canberra Theatre PH: 02 6275 2700 www.canberraticketing.com.au
Oct 17 Gosford, Lay Street Theatre - PH: 02 4323 3233 www.laystreet.com
Oct 18 Bathurst Entertainment Centre PH: 02 6333 6161 www.bmec.com.au
Oct 19, 20 Wollongong, IPAC - PH: 02 4226 3366 www.ipac.org.au
Oct 21-26 Adelaide, The Gov 08 8225 8888. www.venuetix.com.au
Oct 27 Mt Gambier, Sir Robert Helpmann Theatre - PH: 08 8723 8741 www.countryarts.org.au/helpmann
Oct 30 & Nov 2 Sydney, Enmore Theatre, Newtown – tix 02 9550 3666 www.enmoretheatre.com.au
Nov 1 Parramatta, Riverside Theatre, 02 8839 3399 www.riversideparramatta.com.au
Nov 7 Albury P.A.C PH: 02 6051 3051
Nov 8 Wagga Wagga Civic Theatre PH: 02 6926 9688 www.civictheatre.com.au
Nov 9 Echuca Paramount Theatre - PH: 03 5482 3399
Nov 10 Swan Hill Town Hall PH: 03 5032 3033
Nov 13 Wangaratta Town Hall PH: Edgars Newsagency 03 5721 3758
Nov 14 Shepparton Eastbank Centre - PH: 03 5832 9511 www.riverlinksvenues.com.au
Nov 15 Morwell, Kernot Hall - PH: 03 5176 3559 www.latrobe.vic.gov.au
Nov 16 Warragul West Gippland Arts Centre - PH: 03 5624 2456 www.wgac.org.au
Nov 17 Bendigo The Capital - PH: 03 5441 5344 www.thecapital.com.au
Nov 20 Sale Wellington Entertainment Centre - PH: 03 5143 3200 www.wellington,vic.gov.au/entertainment
Nov 21 Ballarat, Her Majesty's Theatre - PH: 03 5333 5888 www.hermaj.com
Nov 22 Warrnambool, Entertainment Centre PH: 03 5559 4999 www.entertainmentcentre.com.au
Nov 23 Hamilton P.A.C PH: 03 5573 0429 www.sthgrampians.vic.gov.au/pac
Nov 24 Horsham, Wesley P.A.C - PH: Chisholm Hi Fi 03 5382 4343
Nov 27 - Dec 1 Perth His Majesty's Theatre - PH: 08 9484 1133 www.bocsticketing.com.au
Dec 4 - 16 Brisbane Powerhouse PH: 07 3358 8600 www.brisbanepowerhouse.org (No show Mon )
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